Finding my Independence

At the top of the bottom of the world.

I was fierce for a polite child, strong in my beliefs and convictions, bent on achieving . . . something. At the same time, I was a people pleaser, always trying to do what everyone wanted me to do.

Somewhere along the way I lost myself and while I so loved the adult person I’d become and all the people surrounding me, I yearned for something more.

The something more was finding my old self. And I did that twenty three years ago on a solo trip to Australia, back in 2001. It happened to coincide with America’s July 4th Independence Day celebration where we recognize the efforts our founding fathers took to free us from the oppression of the authoritarian monarchy as we fought for our religious freedom.

Travelling was always something I loved to do, but at 39 years old I’d never been out of the country. Married with two children, my life had taken on a different direction than I’d planned. It was fulfilling indeed, but something was missing. And that something was me.

I remember the very exact moment I found myself. It was July 4th, 2001 USA time and I was standing on top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. It was July 5, OZ time. So in the USA, people were celebrating Independence Day but here in Sydney my celebration was inward. This marked the first step in a long journey of recapturing and celebrating my own independence.

Standing at the top of Sydney Harbour Bridge, I held the setting sun in one hand and the rising full moon in the other. I literally stretched out my arms wide and connected with each heavenly guide resting at the tips of my fingers on each hand.

Perfect Symmetry.

I was thousands of miles away from my life, my two babies, my husband—everything I held near and dear. But at that moment it felt like I’d been reborn. I was once again a child of The Universe. I’d been reintroduced to myself and I loved myself again. To some it was just a trip abroad, just a bridge to climb. But to me, it was my Mt. Everest and it was also the deepest cavern I would ever explore for a long time.

I’d taken the journey to participate in the wedding of two friends I’d met on IRC, a chat program that graced my life with my introduction of something new and exciting called THE INTERNET. I’d joined a chatroom called #Macintosh and met a great group of people, some of whom became lifetime friends.

My friend, taj, (Jon Trott) helped me coordinate this journey of a life time, inviting me to use his Sydney apartment as home base.

I began the journey in Adelaide with two dear IRC friends, RiK and Genni, where I participated in their wedding by doing the readings. It was strange and fascinating at the same time because the Catholic ceremony was almost exactly like the masses we have back home. I was able to follow along with out a hitch. While I visited, they took me sightseeing with their doggos, and we raced against the tide at a favorite beach of theirs.

I then moved on to Jon’s life. We toured Sydney, had flat whites together, and watched Red Dwarf til the wee hours of the morning.

I met with other IRC friends who took me to the aquarium and to North Head to see the sunrise.

From there I travelled up to the Gold Coast (which I called the Silver Coast because it rained the whole time I was there).

I got to visit Steve Irwin’s Zoo (before he died) and pet a kangaroo, and watch another kangaroo punch a very nasty little boy who was misbehaving and tormenting his sister. No one got hurt and it was actually pretty funny to see a kangaroo sticking up for a little girl.

When we headed back south to Sydney I got to meet all of my #Macintosh friends/family at a Mac Meet Up at the home of a man named freedom.

We lost touch over the years, but I will never forget the many words of wisdom he gave me, especially the bit where he warned me, “Your life will never be the same after you visit Oz.” He was so right. Thank you, freedom-wherever you are-for that head’s up.

I got to hug, laugh, and chat in real life with people who had helped me through dark times. To celebrate our friendships, to share a bit of Turkish Delight, to look them in the eyes and see they are real human beings who truly cared about me was so healing and affirming. I will always cherish those moments.

And then it was time to go. We promised to keep in touch, and most of us have. Some of them even came to visit me here in the states!

Then I was back in Sydney, travelling down to Wollongong to visit my friend Heather, taj’s mom. I ate macadamia nuts and oranges off their trees. I toured the botanical gardens. I wrote poetry on their back veranda.

Back into the city I went to visit and site see with my friend Qed, (real name David). We shared flat whites in the gardens overlooking Sydney Harbour and read poetry aloud as the sun shone bright and fruit bats hung like coconuts over our heads high up in the trees above us.

Jon and I did A LOT of siteseeing! I recommend hiring him as your tour guide if you ever get to Oz. Sydney Harbour Bridge, a boat ride around the harbour, hiking the Blue Mountains all blend together as a mosaic of memories that changed my life.

Heather, Jon, and I geared up and began the ascent with a group of other tourists. They chained us securely to the guide rail so that we would not fall off (or jump) and up we went. When we got to the top of that massive structure I suddenly realized what we had planned. I’d no idea that the sun and moon would be positioned just perfectly when we arranged this adventure. I’d wanted to do the climb on the full moon, yes, but did not realize the alignment of energies I’d be experiencing until I took that final step and did a 360.

I was truly at the top of the bottom of the world, holding the Moon and Sun in my hands.

The day I left, Sydney was grey and weepy, and I felt it was sad to see me go. It’s difficult to believe that happened 23 years ago. Life happens when we are not looking.

I returned home shortly after, knowing that the life I was living was about to change, and it did. But that’s another blog.

For now, I will end this with some sound advice. Don’t wait. If you are lost, confused, unhappy, anxious, sad, depressed, or angry with your life, listen to your heart. It’s telling you something very important you need to hear.

I was lucky enough to have the Sun and Moon whispering words of encouragement in my ears. Their guidance helped me find my confidence, my self worth, my sense of adventure once again, and with all that, I found my independence as a woman and human being.

So get out there and celebrate YOUR Independence Day. Find your worth. Be you. LIVE LIFE. Before it’s too late.

Happy Independence Day to you AND to this great UNITED States of America. May we forever be the home of the free and brave.